It is through classes and books written by child education expert Magda Gerber, that I learned that babies develop at their own pace, and there is no need to rush them through developmental milestones. Instead, she encourages parents to enjoy the present, and discover what babies CAN DO in the moment rather than motivating them to do more. She said, "Why do we care so much how soon children achieve developmental milestones? Why do many of us want our children to achieve them as early as possible? Pressure damages a child's delicate self-confidence by telling her, 'Be other than what you are.'"
It was such a joy to lay my children as babies simply on their backs (no baby equipment needed!), the most comfortable and relaxed position for a baby, and allow them to move freely while I sat next to them. Sometimes they'd gaze out the window for awhile, or play with their hands in the sunshine, or reach for a nearby toy. As they felt ready, they intrinsically wanted to roll over, crawl, and eventually walk. There was no need to encourage them to "come to Mommy" or awkwardly walk them around the house to practice. It was so much simpler to remember that "they do what they can do and don't withhold skills. They learn to trust their bodies and minds when allowed to develop confidence in them through trial and error."
Even now, as 5 year old Sister Butterfly finishes her last year of pre-school, I try my best to honor her as a whole person and there is no rush to learn as quickly as possible. These days, her developmental milestones includes learning some academics like numbers and letters, but also taking a family nature walk with more joy and knowledge about what she observes in nature, "That's a Eucalyptus Tree, mama. Smell the leaves! They are good for colds. But Redwood Trees are my favorite."
Nearly 2 year old Brother Butterfly has shown a lot of interest in "potty learning" and has led the way with support from us, but without any pressure, rewards or punishments. He's quite proud of himself. He also laughs at a good joke and said the word, "l...l...lion" as we read The Lion and The Mouse last night. Oh yes, I'm certainly enjoying both children exactly as they are, and the payoff of child-led milestones is wonderful for us all.
I wonder, as parents, if we could relax more about our own milestones, without the pressure and rewards and punishments we put on ourselves to learn parenting as fast as we can. Just the other day, I scolded myself for not being closer to Brother Butterfly when he licked paint off of his paintbrush like a lollipop. "What kind of mother lets a 1 year old paint unsupervised? I've parented for 5 years, I should know better," I said to myself as I dialed poison control staring in dismay at his green stained smiling lips (apparently, eating a little paint is no big deal, as long as you don't mind paint colored poop).
Perhaps, as mothers, there is no need to be frustrated with ourselves or worried we aren't learning quickly enough. Even if we mess up, or never quite seem to handle something the way we wanted to, we'll get there eventually in our own time and in our own way. Let's allow ourselves to learn at our own pace and feel the joy in what we CAN DO. Since most mamas I meet have the powers of Wonder Woman - and are also creative, educated, loving, and intentional in their relationships with their children, my guess is that who you are is an accomplishment already.
It was such a joy to lay my children as babies simply on their backs (no baby equipment needed!), the most comfortable and relaxed position for a baby, and allow them to move freely while I sat next to them. Sometimes they'd gaze out the window for awhile, or play with their hands in the sunshine, or reach for a nearby toy. As they felt ready, they intrinsically wanted to roll over, crawl, and eventually walk. There was no need to encourage them to "come to Mommy" or awkwardly walk them around the house to practice. It was so much simpler to remember that "they do what they can do and don't withhold skills. They learn to trust their bodies and minds when allowed to develop confidence in them through trial and error."
Even now, as 5 year old Sister Butterfly finishes her last year of pre-school, I try my best to honor her as a whole person and there is no rush to learn as quickly as possible. These days, her developmental milestones includes learning some academics like numbers and letters, but also taking a family nature walk with more joy and knowledge about what she observes in nature, "That's a Eucalyptus Tree, mama. Smell the leaves! They are good for colds. But Redwood Trees are my favorite."
Nearly 2 year old Brother Butterfly has shown a lot of interest in "potty learning" and has led the way with support from us, but without any pressure, rewards or punishments. He's quite proud of himself. He also laughs at a good joke and said the word, "l...l...lion" as we read The Lion and The Mouse last night. Oh yes, I'm certainly enjoying both children exactly as they are, and the payoff of child-led milestones is wonderful for us all.
I wonder, as parents, if we could relax more about our own milestones, without the pressure and rewards and punishments we put on ourselves to learn parenting as fast as we can. Just the other day, I scolded myself for not being closer to Brother Butterfly when he licked paint off of his paintbrush like a lollipop. "What kind of mother lets a 1 year old paint unsupervised? I've parented for 5 years, I should know better," I said to myself as I dialed poison control staring in dismay at his green stained smiling lips (apparently, eating a little paint is no big deal, as long as you don't mind paint colored poop).
Perhaps, as mothers, there is no need to be frustrated with ourselves or worried we aren't learning quickly enough. Even if we mess up, or never quite seem to handle something the way we wanted to, we'll get there eventually in our own time and in our own way. Let's allow ourselves to learn at our own pace and feel the joy in what we CAN DO. Since most mamas I meet have the powers of Wonder Woman - and are also creative, educated, loving, and intentional in their relationships with their children, my guess is that who you are is an accomplishment already.
"All children accomplish milestones in their own way, in their own time." - Magda Gerber
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