I'll admit, the idea of getting children to follow rules by reminding them about Santa's naughty list used to allure me. A little bribing about the old man in red brought a little extra peace to my days. I look back at a Christmas a few years ago when Sister Butterfly started whining while we were out shopping for presents, and I remember sarcastically asking her if she knew what coal looked like? She was a complete angel after that and I got all my shopping done.
These days I approach Christmas with much more intention. You see, I now feel that we owe it to ourselves and to our children to be especially mindful about how we approach the holidays. I want my children to look back and feel that these days were filled with genuine warmth, joy, and magic. Never bribery or extra stress, or that some old man with a white beard was watching and docking points for pouting.
Mindfulness during the holidays can be a challenge somedays. Especially with all the extra to-do lists and parties. And because every day we hear on the radio, "you better not pout, you better not cry... Santa Claus is coming to town!"
This year, Christmastime has felt especially wonderful- and Santa's naughty list hasn't been mentioned once. Here is what we're doing different this year, if you'd like to take a look....
1) I gave both Sister and Brother Butterfly a choice about visiting Santa. I believe that strong feelings or a fear of sitting on a stranger's lap is completely valid, and I want my children to trust that I'll honor their real feelings about this. Sure, Santa may look harmless to us adults. But bribing children to sit on a strangers lap (yes, he is a stranger to young children) or laughing while they cry and are clearly stressed makes me feel uncomfortable - and I wonder how children feel when this is happening?
Sister Butterly was especially excited (she's nearly 5 and loves a good ho ho ho), and wanted to visit him at her preschool party. I asked her if she wanted to sit on his lap, and she said yes without hesitating. In years past, she has wanted to visit him but not sit on his lap, and I made sure that happened. Brother Butterfly, at even 18 months old, shook his head "no" about sitting on his lap. He seemed really enamored with him, so I held him while a photo was taken. It was really fun!
2) I don't mention Santa's naughty list, or that he brings coal to children who behave badly, and there's no Elf On the Shelf spying on them. I figure since I'm a 35 year old who makes mistakes all the time, why should I expect my children to be on their A-game when they are still learning about their own impulses and self-control? Whining and pushing boundaries is completely developmentally appropriate for 1 and 4 year olds. I'd rather set a clear limit with respect than get caught up with elves spying and checking Amazon for coal.
3) We say "yes" to some holiday fun, but we keep it simple with our same routines too. We dressed up and attended the preschool holiday party, and did a little Christmas shopping - we also drove around neighborhoods looking at lights with hot cocoa which is my personal favorite! But I also did some shopping on Amazon prime to make less trips, and said "no" to some holiday parties that I knew would be overwhelming. Perhaps when they are older we can join in. For now my children enjoy home days best of all - full of playdough making and cookie decorating. And then to stretch our legs, just the three of us, in a dry creek on a nature walk. These days feel the most genuine, magical, and joyful. Both Butterflies are better behaved on these days too.
4) We focus on the most wonderful parts about the holidays - family, generosity, love and magic in our home, the story of Christmas. We made homemade lavender soaps for our loved ones, prepared a home-cooked meal for the homeless, and discuss Santa as a generous being who gives gifts not contingent on good behavior. We sit cozy by our Christmas tree reading books, bake cookies, and sometimes nothing at all. But we're together, and love one another, and that's what matters most of all.
I'd love to know, how does your family celebrate Christmas without the focus on naughty lists? Also, what brings your family the most joy during the holidays?
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