Five Easy Ways To Improve Diaper Changes With A Toddler

Hey there, Jesse here! I am now blogging over at a new site called Weave In Wonder. It's the place where moms learn how to feel their happiest with meaningful self-care, respectful parenting & fun play ideas. Meet me over there! 
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I recently completed a RIE® Educaring® course in San Francisco, where I eagerly soaked up how to bring more connection and ease to my parenting. I've been guided by this approach for the last 5 years with my own children through reading blogs and books, and I left the last class with joyful tears, feeling even more inspired about the importance of respectful childcare. 

There was one day in class in which we devoted hours to diapering. This topic might ordinarily seem like a no brainer - until you realize you nearly missed BART that morning because you were chasing around your run-away toddler with a soaked diaper (ahem, again). You see, 18 month old Brother Butterfly turned into this toddler when it came to simply wiping his bottom. It wasn't pretty!

I tried what I learned in class and immediately saw how much more cooperative and loving diapering felt. These days, Brother Butterfly runs *to me* to get his diaper changed. It fills both of our cups, and he plays better independently when we have these caregiving times to meaningfully be together. Sister Butterfly enjoys helping too!

Here are the 5 loving steps for easy diaper changes, as inspired by the RIE® Educaring® approach. 

1. I tell Brother Butterfly that I'd like to change his diaper. If he's in the middle of playing with something, I'll allow him to finish for another few minutes. When I'm not interrupting what he's doing, he's much more cooperative during diapering. Then I'll ask him whether he'd like to stand up or sit down for a diaper change. These days he prefers to lay down. It's up to you if you'd like to offer a choice like this. I find it helps his cooperation to get started in a position where he's most comfortable. 

2. I never offer him toys, TV, or rattles. This is a meaningful time for us to connect and be together, and a distraction would take away from this. It also sends the message, "I don't need your cooperation" and "lets get this chore over with." Holding a diaper or a wipe, however, is part of the diapering process and that can be offered. 

Instead of distraction, I talk to him about what I am doing. I do each thing slowly (very slowly), and make eye contact with him throughout the process. This sounds like, "I'm going to take off your pants from your left leg...now the right leg...." When I talk with my children about what's happening to them, the more they learn about themselves, and develop language and trust. I pause and allow him to talk. I like to learn about him during these times too. 

3. I involve Brother Butterfly as much as I can throughout the process, and he loves this! He becomes very cooperative and normally wants to help. I ask him to take off the sides of his diaper and give him time to try. I ask him to lift up his bottom while I slowly remove the diaper. I ask him to feel the wipe (or the cloth wipe we use at home) to check the temperature so he's not surprised when I wipe his bottom. If you'd like, you can use the correct anatomically names as you wipe. There are many benefits.

4. I allow Brother Butterfly to see his poop and pee in his diaper, and then I wrap it up tightly and let him throw away the diaper in the trashcan. This has helped him begin potty learning, and our doctor was amazed when he said, "no poop?" at our last doctor's visit when she checked his diaper! We have started potty learning and I keep a simple and small accessible training toilet for him nearby to practice. No rush. 

I also never refer to his poop as "stinky" or use negative descriptions. I want him to feel confident and positive about his normal body functions, never embarrassed or shamed over something so normal. Then we wash our hands together and continue this slow, gentle, connecting time during hand washing. 

5. Before I put on his new diaper, I normally show him how dry and comfortable it looks. Sometimes he's happy about this, and other times (like in the above photo), he does not want the new diaper on. I normally acknowledge his upset feelings about this by saying, "I can see you don't like having the new diaper on...can you pull out your leg?  You don't want to do that. Hmmm... I'll wait until you're ready." Sometimes he agrees right away to put on the diaper, and other times I'll wait and then say, "it's time to put your new diaper on. I'm going to help you get it on. Yes, I see this upsets you. I need to put it on because we're leaving the house soon."

These 5 steps have brought joy in our diaper changing times, and he no longer runs away while I'm left feeling annoyed (and freaked over poop getting on our couch!). I also find that the more I slow down and connect during all caregiving times - whether it's diapering, mealtimes, or bath times - the more my children enjoy playing independently while I chop an onion for dinner or chat with my sister on the phone. 

What are your thoughts? Do you struggle with diaper changes? What might you do differently to build more cooperation and/or connection?

Jesse xo 

Our Simple Indoor Play Space

One of the biggest challenges (of many) while setting up a play area for our almost 2 year old was space. Downsizing can be liberating and frustrating all in the same moment. While the thought of setting up an entire extra room full of toys and crafts sounds exhausting. Attempting to make our tiny living room appear grown-up all the while finding a spot for an enormous stash of Legos and a train set is a bit like trying to squeeze a king-sized inflatable mattress in your camping tent. It makes things easier but where do you put your other cool stuff?

I had a few nights with Pinterest playrooms dancing in my head. I knew I wanted to create a space with natural, beautiful, open-ended toys (ie: wood over plastic, no flashy toys). Not only would our living room look lovely even with a play space, these toys can be banged up without breaking, and cherished for years to come. That's not to say that I spent major bucks on toys either. Most often I've found things second hand, on sale - even in our backyard or recycling bin!

I set everything up one afternoon, placing toys in every nook and craning of our living room. There were baskets full of puzzles, musical instruments galore, every book ever bestowed on us, and every ball, sweet doll, and wooden block we ever collected. Yet we still had enough space for our couch and entertainment center. Perfect! But a few days in, I was puzzled.

"You have so many wonderful toys! There must be something you'd like to play with." I'd hear myself pleading.

Much to my surprise (okay, dismay), Little Butterfly would play with a toy for a few minutes. Then she'd ask for a cracker. Then raisins. Surely she was becoming a spoiled child, I'd think. All these beautiful things and she just wants to sit around snacking!

I soon realized, her play space was missing one important element: Simplicity. There was just too much. It was all overwhelming. Now we rotate many of our toys fortnightly. Each shelf now has 1-2 musical toys. One stacking toy. One toy car. One puzzle. One craft. A few toy animals at a time. Her nature table, books, and silk scarves will change seasonally. You get the idea.

Does it ever get boring with only a few toys to choose from, one might wonder? Well, sometimes. When that happens, that's what the outdoors are for (that's another post entirely).

Mamas, I'd love to hear about your playroom! Is there one toy in particular your child just loves? How do you keep your sanity and your kids happy? Please share in the comments! 

-Jess