The sun was shining warm and bright at the park, and I was snacking on cookies (what else?) while watching both kids play on a familiar neighborhood playground. It's blissful situations like these that lead to daydreaming for me, and I'm swept away in mapping out weekend plans or a funny story in my head. Does this happen to anyone else?
Moments later I notice both of my children straight up wrestling on a beam about four feet off the ground, leading up to a water spout. I've seen them both cautiously crawl up and down this beam in the past - but now they were both standing up and red-faced, hands intertwined, trying to be first to get to the spout, WWE style.
<cue me swallowing my cookie nearly whole trying to stifle phrases like, "you're going to FALLLL!!!">
I find that the last thing you say is usually what happens.
With not a full run, but with momentum I got close and gently but firmly held them both and said as unruffled as possible, "I see you both want to get to the water spout first - but fighting up here isn't safe."
"Mama! Brother had his turn! Now it's mine! Get off Brother, get OFF!" Sister Butterfly cried out.
"Mine, mine, mine, mine...." Brother Butterly chimed in, mimiking her intensity.
They continued arguing and I felt I couldn't keep them safe and connect with them. I think it's also okay to admit what you're feeling too - in this case, I was worried about them falling.
"I'm going to take you both down because this isn't working. I'm feeling worried you may fall." I took them both down, and kneeled and looked at the in their eyes, "the sand and swings are open, or I wonder if you two can brainstorm a way to use the water spout safely...?"
In situations like these, their safety comes first, but I will allow them a chance to work the problem out once they are safe. I also don't allow any hitting or hurting one another, and will block these as best I can, saying phrases like, "I won't let you hit, yes I see you're upset..."
They both begged me to go back on the beam, and Sister Butterfly announced that she would let Brother Butterfly climb up first to the spout, but that means he has to pour all the water for her sand castle. They both seemed happy with this plan and tried it out for the next 15 minutes with success.
I always appreciate their own problem solving on situations like these, and will allow them a chance to work it out, even if the solution is not what I had in mind. I do the same with toy taking, because there are some BIG benefits for allowing them to work out toy struggles with you supporting them close by (Here are 4 benefits!).
I can't help bit feel like letting children take the lead in their own disagreements is self-care for my needs as a person as well.
Our weekend was spent without playgrounds and city life, and in the Redwoods because that balance is always appreciated by all, and everyone sleeps better that night. I just finished Last Child In the Woods in my book club, and found it fascinating that there are so many healing benefits to unstructured play in nature. Have you read it?
PS - We just returned from the happiest week long trip to San Diego with my parents, which included a trip to a Discovery Museum located on a lagoon! I left feeling refreshed from sleeping in and homemade dinners I remembered from childhood. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
I'd love to know, what do playground and toy struggles and solutions look like with your family? How much intervention do you find beneficial for both your children and yourself?
